It's Not Easy Being Dead
by FeanorusRex
Summary: Raistlin finally reaches the afterlife. It isn't quite what he expected. Featuring the Heroes of the Lance! Leaves the fourth wall in smithereens! Written for DragonLance Fan Week 2015.


This is my first Dragonlance fic! Happy Independence Day!

Raistlin was annoyed. This was not really a change from his normal state of being, however he was annoyed at something specially this time, not just the world in general. He was annoyed at not being allowed to die and being continually dragged into book after book by Margaret Weis.

But now, at the end of Dragons of a Vanished Moon, he could go to the afterlife and be at peace...hopefully.

He walked toward the light and found himself in a large, cleaner version on Kings Cross station. Of course Raistlin didn't know what Kings Cross was or what trains were so he just thought, "It's a white hall," but YOU probably do, dear reader; that description is for your benefit. I hope you're happy.

Anyway, the hall was filled with humans, elves, dwarves, dragons and tons of other races he couldn't name.

The Staff of Magius was in his hand , which was flesh colored instead or gold, he wore red robes again, and his sight seemed normal again, or maybe since everything was already dead here it didn't matter.

"RAISTLIN!" Shouted a familiar, shrill voice belonging to a kender in blue leggings. "You're here! The others sent me to find you 'cuz I'm small and can fit through this crowd and -hey, did you know you look normal again? Anyway, come one, everyone's over there.." He dragged Raistlin along by the hand.

As he walked, the mage noticed he felt stronger than he had, well, ever. With this new strength and the Staff of Magius he could conquer this place. He wondered if magic worked here. Raisltin began to say, "Shir-."

"Oh and magic doesn't work here," he heard Tas' voice just in time, "Strum said he saw a mage try it once and he went up in flames! Strum's been here an awfully long time, you know. I'd like to see someone go up in flames, wouldn't you? Maybe you could try some magic for me so I could see! Maybe magic would work when we get it our final destination, this isn't it, actually. Did you know time is different in this place? You leave here by going out your exit door. Ours says 'DragonLance' I wanted to go though the door marked 'Star Wars' but Tanis said absolutely not. Oh well.

"Here we are!" They had arrived at a group of the Heroes of the Lance, Kitiara and a few other characters. "Hey guys, it's Raistlin!"

Raistlin felt himself picked up off the ground and squeezed very hard. "Ribs," he managed to say.

"Oh, yeah, sorry, Raist," said Caramon, putting him down. "It's great to see you! You look normal!"

Several others of the group greeted him half heartedly; no one had really liked Raistlin that much.

Strum said, "Finally! Couldn't you have died a little sooner? I have been waiting here for literally AGES, and I couldn't leave because all of the Heroes of the Lance had to leave together or some other nonsense made up by the authors. I tried to say that we could leave without you but Caramon said-."

"If you hadn't DIED in the first trilogy, you wouldn't have been stuck here so long!" Interrupted Kitiara.

"If you hadn't killed me, you mean!"

"Are you still mad at me for that? I told you, it was poetic justice and..." Caramon tried to intervene.

Raisltin turned to Tanis who had also been here a while and probably was keeping track of people.

"Is, uh, Crysania here," he asked trying and failing to sound causal.

"I'm here, you bastard!" yelled a voice behind him. Her voice.

Turning around Rasitlin saw Crysaina but before he could protest that he'd been conceived entirely inside wedlock she said, "How DARE you leave me in the Abyss after lying and manipulating me like that!"

"I..I..," he gave up trying to defend himself. "But, it's implied you forgave me in Dragons of a Summer Flame and-."

"Yes! Implied! By the authors! They couldn't leave me vengeful and bitter, could they? I guess they could have and then addressed it in a further story line but no! The readers didn't like me. I was too good, too pure! So they implied forgiveness and left me head of the Clerics. Well, Raistlin Majere, I do not forgive you, I did not spend all my life pinning away for you as so many fanfictions would have you believe AND," she delivered the final blow, "you look terrible in red or black robes!" She marched off, dragging Par-Salian, who had been lurking around, with her.

Raistlin turned and glared at the rest of his group who hastily tried to pretend they hadn't been watching and listening avidly. Except Tas.

"Wow, I've never seen her that mad before. She's usually really nice. I've been telling her stories about you, like the one where we though you had a daughter but you didn't actually and that was good 'cuz Palin liked her and-."

"I bet she'll, get over it," said Caramon, trying to help and failing as usual. "You know how women are."

"No, my brother, I don't 'know how women are,'" said Raistlin icily. "You remember that my one and only relationship was a failed one, mostly because I was using her as an ends to attain godhood." At least his sarcastic abilities remained intact.

"Perhaps we could interrupt this fascination discussion of Raistlin's love life, which I'm sure is very interesting to some of you, and get going?" Grumbled Flint. "I've been waiting here almost as long as Strum has."

"Race you!" Shouted Tas, streaking toward the exit door marked 'DragonLance.' The rest of the group followed at the slightly subdued pace.

Being dead, Raistlin thought, wasn't much easier than being alive. Crysania was mad at him, magic didn't seem to work, and death seemed not to have but a damper on Tas' ability to speak. Perhaps it was some final revenge by Margaret Weis or Takhisis. Whatever the case, it was going to be a long afterlife.


End file.
